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observation de vous;

observation de moi
on isolé tiennent le premier rôle
vous ne savez pas qui vous êtes
j'ai vous ai toujours aimé
mais vous avez pris mon amour pour accordé
parole au revoir

the 4 hearts

an almost perfect lady.

August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
September 2008

when you drag your slow, heavy, low spirited self into the heat. sitting down alone. hearing your own silent thoughts loud and clear. it is dim, swelteringly hot, and the loud drilling outside has become a dull, monotonous hum. a small enclosed space which seems to be towering over you. yet you enjoy being entrapped in it. for that whole duration, life seems to have taken a break. time seems to have stopped. and nothing, nothing in the world can disrupt that seemingly peaceful afternoon. you feel your heart beat increasing with each minute as you think about the many things that have been happening. the rush of the many emotions -- anger, hurt, pain, happiness, love, warmth; they all come in at the same time and they seem so mixed up. you feel so mixed up. as you think of these diferent incidents, envisage the scenes, almost feeling the presence of the people you were with when those things happened. sweat drips down the sides of your face, those sweet gentle cheeks, down to the chin, caressing the neck, all the way down between the cleavage. you are only saved from vulnerability from the towel which is barely big enough to cover your entire body. you feel the tenderness of the sweat drops from the back of your nape, dripping down that same one way all the way through your spine. you suddenly feel as if your soul has left your body. and you are on the outside looking back in. looking back in on your body. lying down the wooden bench in the heat. seeing the beads of perspiration all over. the soft moisturiser mixed with sweat, a slippery feeling you just cant control. all wet and warm everywhere. the soft arousal of heat building up. but the mind is so tired. the body, exhausted. and the heart. the heart is as if lying there in the charcoaled heat waiting to be burnt to ashes. the soul sees it all happening and yet is too weak to do anything about it. you can't even cry. you can hardly feel. they become all images that you have to accept. for awhile you think about heaven. and wonder if heaven is even half as good as that. clinging to the towel for some sense of courage to actually step back into who you are. your pathetic lone self lying there, as if dead to the world. you wish it actually was. there's no one around but you. you can actually start talking to yourself.

how can anyone have a total change of heart within a few hours? you wonder. i wondered too. but i feel it now. i don't understand, but i feel it. i don understand why im trying to guard my feelings and thoughts. i feel so much but i feel so restricted.


these 5 words i give to yu, 'i'll be there for yu'. i promise.

- everything's just temporary;
5:17 PM